My question is simple. How do I say no? I’m a single man who recently moved into town. I bought into a wonderful condo complex and have quickly made numerous friends. This past holiday season was a blur of parties, restaurants and bars. No sooner would I wake up and the phone would ring, one more new friend asking me to yet another event or fiesta. I’m completely exhausted, yet just this past hour, I promised I’d show up at a neighbor’s party tonight. I really don’t want to go. I haven’t wanted to go to the last few events, but felt I just had to. So that’s my question, Brus. How do I say no without offending my new friends?
Too Much of a Good Thing
Hola Too Much,
How and when to say no is not so simple. On the one hand, it feels good to be popular and invited to all these functions. On the other, there are times when we need personal space to rest and recharge. Saying yes when we really need to say no is actually detrimental to ourselves and to others. We can become exhausted, and even ill. Also, others will begin to feel resentful being with someone who is not enjoying their company.
Too Much, be honest with yourself in looking for a balance between engaging others and taking personal time to rest. Only you can determine your own balance. If you want to go, go. If you want to stay at home, stay. If you’re torn between both options, be honest about that. If you are honest with yourself then you can be honest with others. You won’t have to invent excuses to say no. You can say with confidence that you’re appreciative of the invitation, but you need to spend some down time. There are many ways to say this without offending others, and even having them understand and appreciate your honest response. In fact, they most likely are dealing with this same question themselves. I think you’ll find in time that, by being honest, you’ll no longer be conflicted by these decisions.
All the Best,